April 26, 2013

{Unconventional} Marriage Secrets Day 9

{Unconventional} Marriage Secret #2 :  Keep 'IT' Sacred

     So in our last post we talked about the importance of sex in marriage and how we as spouses are called to come together with our bodies because ultimately it glorifies God.

       So today we are going to dig in to keeping intimacy sacred and holy as God intended and how easily it can be polluted.  It is also possible to go overboard and hold the actual act of sex on a pedestal and idolize it, which is just as sinful as withholding it like we talked about yesterday.

       Michael and I have both read the book Wired for Intimacy- How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain-- and I highly recommend it for any believer- married or not! I think so many ladies are way too oblivious about what goes on with their man and inside his head as well as what goes on inside their own heads and what that can lead to. I don't think women realize that even something as simple as that darn Victorias's Secret catalog that comes 3 times a week is, in reality, pornography on some level. The male brain is scientifically proven to be visually stimulated. It just takes one tiny flash of skin to turn a man's head. For example, Michael and I were scrolling through my Pinterest feed on my phone. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw this thumbnail and flung his head around and said, "Whoa! Is that somebody naked?" This is a photo of a leg and it's a link to an article on dry brushing for skin tone, cellulite removal, detox, etc. Nothing sexual about it. And me, in my woman brain would've never thought about it sexually at all. But when a man sees a glimpse of this naked leg his brain starts firing.

    And ladies, here is my soapbox for you.  Our 'porn' is not what you think it is. Our 'porn' is not Hustler or Playboy magazines or even the ones that feature men. Our 'porn' is trashy romance novels, movies like Magic Mike, and even photos on Pinterest of a shirtless Ryan Gosling or Taylor Lautner. Think about it, even when you watch a movie that has a romantic scene like in The Notebook or even Dirty Dancing (my sinful personal fave), if it makes you think lustful or longing thoughts, it is porn. Anything that takes your heart or head to that place that is not your husband is pornography. And pornography is the gateway drug to infidelity. Your husband should be your standard of desire. Your eyes should undress no one but him, your heart long for only him.

Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

So this is Michael chiming in and in true MC fashion I will be honest. We live in an over sexualized culture that has most of us deceived. Bachelor parties are synonymous with strip clubs. The Super Bowl half time show is not something I let my kids watch at their age. The top 40 hit Locked Out of Heaven features the lyric "your sex takes me to paradise". You think ole Bruno and his baby face is singing about sacred love between a husband and wife? I think not. 

Everything in our culture is about sex. Marketers learned a long time ago that sex sells and they have been taking advantage of you ever since. It's funny... one of my competitors in my business uses it as a recruiting tactic. He find the hottest "transportation barbies" as we call them and sends them to career fairs. 

But Who Does it Hurt... Really

What is the consequence though? It's a victimless crime you've been told. What you do in the privacy of your own home is no one else's business. It's your choice, your body and people can do as they wish with their bodies. If you believe any of that crap you are stupid. Yes... STUPID IGNORANT AND BLIND. Porn is not victimless. 

Do some research on sex trafficking in the United States. 

Porn hijacks the male brain. It changes the hedonic set point - google it. Sexual addiction is more powerful than heroin. Viewing pornography literally short circuits your brain and the way you engage the world. I am not going to make a case because I will do a bad job of it. But I am going to provide resources here that you can review for yourself. Don't hide in shame. Deal with your dark passenger. Statistically speaking, most men struggle with this. It's not the multi-billion dollar industry it is for no reason. 

Consider The Cost

It is not victimless. We color sex trafficking up in the US and call it porn. Most of the girls involved in pornography are drunk, high, and have been duped into the lifestyle. Makers of porn prey on young girls that have been abused and suffer form low self worth. Every time you click on "free" porn you are complicit in advocating and perpetuating the abuse. 

Please review the material I link. Read the short e-book Porn Again Christian. Pay attention to the Jeffrey Dahmer story. Read the info we provide. Take some time to educate yourself in the things to which you expose yourself.  Read the link below One Real Man's Story. He is a real person we know in our real life and whom we love dearly.  What are you inviting into your home through television, movies, books, etc? What legacy are you creating? Search your soul. Stop the darkness. Women, learn what your men are going through. Stop your own stupid fantasies that drive us away. We can never measure up to the BS fantasy you have in your head of some Ryan Gosling internet meme! Stop! 

A list on TheResurgence 
Porn Again Christian
One Real Man's Story
Scroll Down to Topics of Sexuality
Wired for Intamacy
Hookers for Jesus
Resources relating to Rid of My Disgrace
Rid of My Disgrace - For victims of sexual assault