May 1, 2013

{Unconventional} Marriage Secrets Day 10

    First of all, we want to say how much we have enjoyed blogging together. It was never really something we intended. I came up with this marriage series idea while were in Vegas a couple weeks ago. I always let Michael read anything I write before I hit 'publish' to check for left out words, theological soundness, etc. I never had thought about him co-writing with me, but the Lord works things out for His good, right?  Having a male perspective has given perspective to my mostly female audience as well as gained some male readers. We have received so many emails, texts, Facebook messages, and face to face conversations regarding how much everyone loves reading our story. I say this in NO way at all to toot our own horns, but to say that it is clear the Lord has called us and desires to use us.

{Unconventional} Marriage Secret #1: Don't Go To Bed Alone

This sounds so simple and mindless right? But let's dissect this. Look back at Secrets 2-10:

2. Keep IT Sacred
3. Just Do IT
4. Secrets Don't Make Friends
5. Pray- Together & Apart
6. Ask For Help
7. Have Your Own 'Things'
8. Honor Your Temple
9. Don't Yo Momma
10. Break Your Molds

  I really believe that if you just go to bed togther at the same time as often as you can, most of the above 'secrets' can be accomplished. In the eight years we have been married, other than one of us traveling, I can count maybe 10 times that one of us has gone to bed without the other. Monthly, I go to Bunco with my girlfriends. It's usually around 10 or so when i come home. Even if he's sleepy, Michael stays out on the couch until I get home safe and we can go to bed together. I am not the biggest sports fan in the world and come fall, he loves to stay up and watch Monday night football. This bores me to no end. But rather than go and do my own thing, I sit on the couch with him. I fall asleep there on the couch because to me, it's better to fall asleep on the couch next to him than fall asleep in bed alone.

I feel like, if both of us are making a point to go to bed at the same time, even if we are not being physically intimate, it keeps 'us' sacred and connected. While we may have a ton of craziness that drags us apart during the day, it's the one thing that we come together for every night, and I can always count on that.

  Something about your bed, your marriage bed, makes you both vulnerable. It puts each of you on the same playing field whether it be praying together or sharing secrets. The Bible tells us "it is not good that man should be alone." (Gen 2:18) So then God created Eve. God could have just made Adam, right? He could've chosen for Adam to be alone. But no, he made Eve. He created her, from Adam, to be his helper. Not his clone or his twin, but his helper. In His sovereingty He could have also chosen to make just Eve. Or he could've created both of them, but never put them together in the garden. God wants us to be with our mate, to be close to them. This is my own theoligical interpretation----; God removed a rib from Adam, and from that he formed Eve. We know that to be true based on Genesis 2:21. So my thoughts are: Why the rib? Why not the femur because it's the strongest bone? Why not the pelvis because it is the center for childbearing? The ribs encase and protect __________? Yes! The heart! The ribs protect the heart!!!!

They protect that which gives us physical life and breath. The heart is at the center of everything. It's because of Jesus we are given a new heart in Salvation. And, through the Holy Spirit,  we have a new heart that lives, beats, and breaths for God. And God created us ladies-- Eve--- to protect this in our man. By being with our Adam, we are protecting his heart- his life. How special is that? 

So I guess it's my turn one last time to chime in here. I don't think about a blog entry before I write it. It's based on Becca's heart and what she is feeling. When I contribute, it's based only on how her post inspires and impresses me. 

I agree with all she said. Until now, I had never thought about the heart/rib thing. I'll do some additional study, but it begs a question for sure. 

It's interesting how this plays out for us. We are not saying don't go to bed mad. We are not even saying don't go to bed alone. We are just saying to keep it sacred and stay connected. In our marriage, this works. If I stay up late without Becca, my heart can wander. I have a dark and sinful heart. I get lonely. I can get lustful. Having Becca near me enables me to guard my heart. 

We stay on a similar schedule. Sometimes I fall asleep in her lap and she wakes me up for bed. Other times I wake her up for bed. Either way, we are together. I cannot imagine saying "well... I'm going to bed" and going to bed alone. It's funny now that I think about it. We just don't do it. I think it's our way of stating commitment to each other. 

So here's the question: How are you showing your commitment? How are you guarding your heart? Men, are you giving your wife space and permission to lead beside you?