Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.
Phillipians 2:12-16
Wow. I started looking through pics to make Lincoln his own special birthday post and it was so hard to narrow them down. So I apologize in advance for the "Lincoln Show".
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| 9 months |
From the time I got pregnant with my special little ginger, I knew he was something different. I've mentioned before that my pregnancies with both the oldest (Michael) and the youngest (Knox) were both unplanned surprises, but Lincoln was one we really had to work for. We started trying for a second baby in June of 2008. Since my pregnancy with Michael Jr had occurred so spontaneously, we thought for sure that we be the case for this one as well. Nope.
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| I think this is my fave pic of him ever!! Love this hair. |
Two months passed. I was not pregnant yet. I was beginning to obsess about it. I thought for sure there was something wrong with me since we had conceived Michael Jr so easily and unknowing. I started taking my temperature everyday before I got out of bed and going through ovulation tests purchased from eBay like clean underwear. Yes, looking back and talking with friends who deal with true infertinliy I know that I was just being crazy. But I wanted to control this. You know? With my lack of control of getting preggo with Michael jr, I made it my mission to control every single aspect of his infancy-- his sleep, his eating, his moods, etc. I was determined to keep that control with this next (hopeful) pregnancy. I wanted 2 kids, 2 boys to be exact, and I wanted them exactly 2.5 years apart. So when I didn't get preggo that first month, I was mad. So from August to October, getting pregnant and collecting data to get pregnant consumed me. Like the above Proverb says-- I was super guilty of leaning on my own understanding. I failed to surrender to the Lord's plan and that did nothing but cause me stress and guilt. Why do we this to ourselves? It's because we often forget that God has no surprises. He already has it all figured out. Sometimes he's just waiting on us to realize that.
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| 18 months |
Finally, sometime in late October, I had a talk with my dad. He told me that I needed to relax and stop trying to control it and I would get pregnant when I was supposed to. Never mind that he had already told me this several times. But for some reason, this time I listened. I stopped peeing on that expensive paper. I stopped looking at the calendar. I stopped putting pressure on my husband.
On November 25, 2008, my husband's 27th birthday, I finally got that + sign I had been praying for. And to boot I wrapped up that little magic stick and gave it to him as a gift! So lesson learned #1-- Stop trying to control things that are out of your control. Give it to God and he will come through when He is ready.
Other than my horror movie worthy varicose veins, my pregnancy this time was pretty uneventful. I had some anxiety about opening my heart to another child and I was nervous about how he would rock my control boat, but other than that, it was pretty blah.
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| We call this our "Jean Model Photo Shoot" |
He was due August 3, 2009. Awesome (insert sarcastic face), Mikey's birthday was August 1. I didn't want the chance of them having the same birthday, so I agreed to an induction on July 28. I've posted my labor thoughs and issues
here in case you want to read those. Around 6:30-- right before shift change, Linc decided to make his appearance. I slept through most of the labor (highly drugged) and after 2 pushes, out came this tiny hairy guy. The first thing out of my mouth was "How big is he?" After gaining around 30 lbs all of us mommas pride ourselves in producing a big baby!
They said, "Six pounds, twelve ounces."
My response was, "That's all?!?!?!"
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| About 1 hour old |
I could smack myself still to this day for those being the first words out of my mouth about my new baby boy. Really??? As if he wasn't good enough right from the start. I have repented over and over again for those harsh words about my new baby.
I'm weird, I don't like to hold my babies until they are clean from all the blood and guts. So once he was clean, they handed him over. Oh my heavens. THE most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He had this precious little tiny man face and head full of dark maroon hair. Us mommas also pride ourselves in having hairy babies! Michael and I could tell in those first few hours of his life, that our little Linc was different from his brother and so very special
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| 1 Day Old. How much do you love that hair and those tiny hands? |
I've shared in this
post about my struggles with PPD after having a second baby. I've also shared that it was Linc who really began to break that idol I have called control. From feeding to sleeping to everything in between, Lincoln was, well, he was difficult. He didn't want to be held, he didn't want to sleep more than 2 hours, he didn't want to nurse long, he didn't want to do anything that all the perfect babies should do. Finally, around six weeks, I quit trying to mold him the way I molded his older brother and I started tuning in to him and noticing his cues as a baby, not just making him do what I thought he should. I finally started to peel off my clenched on layers of control and figuring it all out and giving it to God. I stated Phillipians at the beginning of this post. We are to obey, even when we feel a lack of His presence. We are to do everything without grumbling and complaining. Even if that means getting up every 1.5 hours at night and holding a crying baby during the colicky witching hour for days upon days. When we want to hang our head and give up, that is when He really is carrying us the most. I saw this quote one time that said "Even when we are face down on our knees, we can look up and there is the face of Jesus". So true. He was working in me. Preparing me and softening me.
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| Those lips! |
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| this is still THE blankie |
It was almost daily with Lincoln, the Lord revealed just a little more of himself to me by peeling back another layer of my hard exterior. Michael and I are big fans of the early writings of Martin Luther. He is hilarious if you are into that old English sort of thing. He writes about how the purpose of our children is to sanctify us (i.e. grow us closer to God). God gives us these children to test us and teach us lessons. And my sweet lil firecracker has never stopped doing just that. I wrote a post about him just the other day. He continues to challenge us daily. He is almost too smart for his own good.
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| 1st brother photo |
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| 1st Birthday. His big cake had a Paul Frank monkey with red hair! |
But we adore him. He is so stinking funny! He has this crazy imagination. He is so smart! Yes, all parents say this about their kids, I know. But Linc was one of those kids who was talking in full sentences by his 1st birthday and knew all his colors, animals, and body parts by 18 mos. Poor Knox is 17 mos and still has no clue where his nose is. Lincoln is that true 'spirited' child in every sense of the word. He is always on fire! And not in the hyperactive sense of the word, he is just always busy in his head.
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| 3 months |
His teachers and peers either love him to death or really dislike him. There isn't really an in between. If you love him, it's because you get his quirks and individuality. It's because you get that he walks to his own beat. It's because you too understand that God is totally in control and so he makes us all in his image. As far as affection goes, Linc is more like a cat. You really have to work for it. Just like how we had to work so hard to conceive him and how I had to work so hard to figure him out as a baby. The other two are pretty free with their love and hugs. Not Linc, he makes you work for it. Oh, but when he gives is and deems you worthy of his affection, how sweet it is. A hug and "I Wuv You" from Linc would make a statue crumble. Almost daily he looks up at me and softly says "I wuv you mommy. You are the prettiest princess". Tear!!!!
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| First and only Caney boy so far to go to ER with head wound and blood gushing! |
I am just madly in love with this little gingersnap of my own. Happy 4th Birthday to my awesome Lincoln!!!
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| 3rd birthday |
It was Linc that God gave me in His own time to teach me that nothing is about me, it is all about Him. He gives us everything in his own timely manner.
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| Turtle Power |
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| 4th Birthday Pancakes |
