{Unconventional} Marriage Secrets Day 7

{Unconventional} Marriage Secret #4: Secrets Don't Make Friend

      Today friends, we are talking about honesty.

      If you know me, you know that I am a terrible liar. I have a hard time concealing anything, and there is not much that embarrasses me. But in writing this series, I am learning that my husband and I really are one, and his junk is my junk, his sin is my sin,  his secrets are my secrets, and vice versa.  Are there secrets that you are keeping or have kept from your spouse?? We keep secrets because we have shame. We fear rejection. We fear the domino effect of the events that may unfold once our secret is exposed.   The beauty of being in a marriage where God is in the center, is that when we do stumble and when we do hide things, the darkness always comes to light.

       If you do have an area that needs some light shedding, the enemy love to throw shame your way. He wins by heaping condemnation on your head. But the loving Holy Spirit guides us into conviction and to the arms of the grace of the Father.

      I am telling you friends, secrets will destroy your life and destroy your marriage. One of the most important lessons we have learned along the way is that if one of you struggles with something, the worst thing you can do is to hide it from your spouse. Because you can never hide anything from Jesus.  And if you can share your struggles with your spouse, your spouse can struggle with you. They can hold you accountable and help you and be a resting place of comfort when you struggle.

     Don't let secrets and dishonestly devour your marriage. Allow the beautiful light of the Father to expose everything.

In other words... secrets will kill you. Not your marriage at first. They will kill you. Then the sin of your secret will kill your marriage. I'm not saying people with secrets all get divorced, but I am saying many of us have dead marriages. 

When we have a secret, it's a secret for a reason. That secret carries some amount of shame or guilt. It's a secret because if it came out there might be a consequence. We might have to own something or change something. Even worse, we may have to give something up. For many of us, we love our secret. 

Our secrets bring us comfort. The emotional affair in which we are engaged is comforting. The pornography we view has hijacked our brain. What's more the women on the screen don't reject or ask anything of you. Women... I'm not letting you off easy. Your fantasies - your ridiculous and unrealistic fantasies are secrets that are subversive to your husband and you should fall down in repentance. 50 Shades of Gray, Magic Mike, Swooning over Taylor Lautner before he becomes wolf boy... it's just porn for women. Bring into the light the secrets of your heart. 

Some of us have past sins we carry. We have things we don't want to deal with. Some of us carry shame from things that were done to us. I've met many women that carry the secret of abuse around. They allow it to alter their identity and they bring that fractured identity into their marriage. It's not your fault. Bring it into the light. Get some healing. 

I've got a story for another time. But I can tell you that I (Michael) carried secrets. I carried (and still do) struggles that I have had since I was a child. Bearing them alone only made things worse. The baby snake grew to a monster beast that was about to kill me. Then I killed it... I drug it into the light and killed it. It fights and kicks, but at least it's out there. 

What secret do you need to tell your spouse?